Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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