The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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