Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
