he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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