First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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