Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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