from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
