Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
