haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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