Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
