Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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