dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
