there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
4 words: hood of his car
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
