I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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