walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
