Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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