She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
