I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
