can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
