i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
