You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
