is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
