she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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