We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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