If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
