I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
