but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
