found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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