Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
