Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm passing your future prison.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
