last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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