I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
