he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
