I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
