I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
