I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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