32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
