from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
