you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
