Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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