you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
