my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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