Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
