How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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