Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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