some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
