Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
