I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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