It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
