why didn't you poke me back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
