Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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