I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
