I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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