She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
