I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He shit in the fireplace
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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